settling in...

ok it feels like i posted only a few days ago, but time is really flying! we've been 2 steps forward and one step back on many fronts, but all in all, i think it's going remarkably well after (as sig reminds me) just over 2 weeks. kola is soaking everything up - trying some new food, using new words, and using new tactics to get what he wants. luckily, i've already been road tested by a 2-y-old before and have plenty of support from friends and sig - consistency, consistency, especially for a curious 2-y-old who's getting a whole new environment and set of rules. he really seems to like it here and loves woodbine and ethan and gives me many hugs and smiles. the first words out of kola's mouth this morning were 'hi ethan' and i had to stop him from going into ethan's room and waking him up. and now with the monitor on, i'm hearing him drift off to sleep, "ethan, mama, ethan, mama..." (knock on wood) ethan seems to have turned a corner on the big brother circuit. he's been more patient and helpful and less defensive. the boys are having a lot more fun together and today ethan said - "this is a fun day after all!"

i think it's helped to add some new toys into the house - aunt julie/mark/jennifer/ andrew brought enough toy cars to make a traffic jam, and we've added a sit and spin, a new garage/car wash/car ramp extravaganza, toy remote, toy phones (each boy usually has one ringing playphone in his hand for a good part of the day). kola has discovered joy in flavored yogurt, applesauce, popsicles, and goldfish. his new words are 'oh my gosh', all done, hot, mine, no no no no no, and come on ethan. we're still employing time outs which seem to be gradually curbing his attempts to futz with the stereo, play with the buttons on the a/c, cross the street by himself, and pull on cords. he loves the blowdryer and vacuum and the other day i left the house for a minute to toss out some garbage and came back to find both boyz wrestling the vacuum out of the hall closet. their deer in the headlights look was enough to crack me up.

i've been trying to get myself in a new routine and thought i was doing pretty well until i dropped ethan off at preschool only for him to point out to me that he still had his night diaper on. then i showed up at my friend kelly's house down the block to drop off a b-day card only to realize 1/2 way there that i had two different colored shoes (saving grace they're both the same but a pair in black and brown), the t-shirt i'd slept in the nite before (the shirt i'd worn earlier that day had been soiled - i'll spare you the details), and my workout pants from the a.m. at the gym. quite a fright - definitely a new mom of two toddlers look which won't be seen on 'america's next top model.'

look for an update in the next week! xo b/s/e/k

outnumbered

today was my first day alone with the two boys. sig headed off to the office and before he left, i jumped at the chance to take a shower. it was then that i realized that my hierarchy of needs has changed over the years. on the bottom of mine is sleep, and luckily, everyone here is sleeping thru the night. next on the pyramid is shower. followed by coffee. then food. followed closely by a tie of friends and the fact i didn't need to call 911 that day. for the most part, this day one went surprisingly well. altho there were a few minor falls i missed preventing, no blood was shed today. ethan and kola had a few competitions and i ref'd one and gave ethan ideas for 2 others. ethan at one point was carrying 2 'precious objects' with him while peddling a way too small tricycle to protect his valuables from swiping - and one of these objects was a kids folded-up lawnchair. shelley laughed and said she wouldn't be surprised one day to see ethan out there with a backpack, cart, arms full of stuff. all kinds of techniques are being tried.

ethan did realize that little brothers do come with some perks. he sometimes enjoys follow the leader, last nite they ran in circles playing tag and chase, and today they got teaspoons from the kitchen and used them to drink water from the powder room sink and 'fill' up a bucket -- as captured on the above photo. kola also came with a dowry (a few toys sig and i picked up in ukraine) of 2 toy cars, a toy steering wheel, a puzzle, a a couple new toys ethan helped me pick out - all good to help enforce the sharing idea. then yesterday, karen and bill (nessie if you read the comments on the blog)gave the boys each a book and a card that said congrats to ethan for being a big brother and welcome to kola - ethan thought that was pretty neat and it helped ethan understand that they'll both have cool stuff they can share with each other, not just ethan letting kola play with all his stuff.

sig was a welcome sight tonite around 5:30 and the boyz were very excited to see 'mama papa' which is what kola calls him. kola also now uses 'done,' whoosh (which means he wants me to pick him up) moo ba lalala (his favorite book), no, banana (which basically means food), wow - ie wow machina instead of the ukraine version - oy machina...ethan uses opala = what kola says when something falls and suddenly ethan has also lost his ability to keep all food on the plate. ethan knows die (give it), spaseeba (thank you) nyet (no), machina (which all of woodbine is using) and they each recognize but don't say yet a few other words. kola definitely knows telephone, sleep, more, bath.... aside from kola's sleep protests and ethan's about 2 hours of whinyness a day, i think things are going better than i expected. kola's dr. appt. went ok - he was a trouper until the needles came out for tb and blood tests - nyet mama!! a real heartbreaker, but he didn't squirm or thrash. we'll be having developmental tests done and are waiting for the labs, but the dr. didn't find anything unusual and gave us some good tips about transitioning him.....more soon! love b/s/e/k

home sweet home

i can't believe kola and sig have only been home for 1 1/2 days. it's been a blur. ethan and i picked sig and kola up from the airport saturday morning, with a very exciting tram ride from parking lot e to terminal 3. sig and kola had had a very long and trying trip back from ukraine. i still don't have all the details, but sig said kola was good on the plane and slept as much as one could - but the only thing he ate in over a day was a rice krispie treat. there was a bout with a runny diaper and a 'hellish' transition thru the airport, but kola arrived very excited to see all the machina in the airport parking lot. he got home and sniffed out the house. after a quick inventory of the toy basket, he ate an early lunch with us - 3 entire bananas. he napped very well and we had to wake him after 3 hours to ensure a good nite's sleep. throughout the day, he was greeted by many enthusiastic neighbors and he fell right into the welcoming arms of woodbine. shelley served a champagne toast, bill and karen lent puppies as an ice breaker plus a strip of red-white-and-blue flags which we hung from the porch the nite before their arrival, carson and quinn left welcome cards for ethan and kola, and the neighbor kids are brushing up on a few russian words and phrases.

day two delivered more fun on woodbine and a stroller trip to chicago avenue to see some better machina action. in his several hours outside pushing various plastic vehicles up and down the sidewalk, he's had lots of smiles and giggles and learned a little about not going into the street. as much fun as he has playing chase and playing outside, he has pitched a couple fits about coming back into the house - which i guess i would too. tonite we had a really fun playdate with the flemmings and altho it took kola a while to warm up from his post-nap jetlag, he was right in the fold and grinning all the way. he even ate this third thing in the states (his 2nd being 3 bowls of oatmeal - funny about 3) an apple and gouda sausage! that after snubbing breads, cheese, ham, bologna, apples, crackers, corn......) he seems very happy with his new home, inside and out, and we're so grateful to our wonderful neighbors who have been so physically and emotionally supportive...words really can't describe how much it has helped us and meant to us.

day 1, ethan was very patient with kola and mostly observed from the sidelines and was curious, which come to think of it is how ethan approaches most new things. today has been more trying for him - sometimes it seems kola is a little gnat, walking in front of his cartoons or checking out the toy in his hands. then he's a new mischievous partner as they experiment with doors (and slamming) together, then he's a reason for jealousy and a request for extra help. when probed, he still admits that having a little brother is fun. i'm sure we'll all continue to pursue a range of emotions. all in all, i'm truly touched with how ethan has shared everything in his domain with kola, and i'm moved by how kola has embraced our family and home and shown so much trust in us. and even thru his jetlag, sig has remained calm and level-headed. three out of 4 sleeps, kola has gone down pretty easily, but this am kola had so much fun on the block that he and i really had a battle of wills at naptime. after he left his room for the 5th time, sig reminded me - what would supernanny do????!!!! he's given me great support and pointers.

tomorrow is the dr., which i'm expecting to be mostly unpleasant. hopefully it will exceed my expectations! thanks for staying tuned, and we'll post again in a couple days!! xo b/s/e/k

another countdown!

i talked to sig this am - he and roman had picked kola up from the orphanage and were boarding the train to kiev. sig said kola was not up for getting into the machina at first, but after his first ride, had no reservations or worries about the next. roman says all the kids like the train ride, and i expect kola will be no exception. kola and ethan had a chance to talk for a minute, not sure if words were actually exchanged but they could hear something of each other. ethan and i will be picking kola and sig up at the airport sat am!!

ethan asks a few times a day when daddy and kola are coming home. he's been making some detailed plans about our upcoming trip to the airport and has been helping me make important decisions. he picked kola's paint room color, drapes (dark blue momma, just like mine), the new stroller he and kola will ride in (it will be brought to the airport)... ethan also informed me that kola -- and ethan -- do/es not like fish or fish sticks, so i won't have to make them. i also learned from ethan that kola likes chocolate milk, but only the sweet kind. today ethan sang 'we are family' sans the 'sisters' part, and proclaimed without prompting that he will be nice to his brother.

the first few days since my announcement to ethan were not quite as rosy. he ran thru every emotion, the 5 stages of grief, and clung onto my leg for 2 days. he asked a laaaaaht of questions and with a few days of processing under his belt, and the ability to leave the room a few dozen times and see that i'm not gone, he's now very excited about the prospect. we've measured kola's height, talked about the kids who he's close to in age (esp. kyle and caroline), looked at kola's pictures, picked out books for ethan to read to him, road tested and bought a double stroller - ethan has already called dibs on the seat with the cupholder. ethan wanted to know where kola's mommy is, if ethan can live in a big house with a lot of kids too, etc. ethan also noted that 'now there will be 3 pee pees in the house.'

it's been really nice to be home. after about a week my fog is clearing and so is the house. the first several days were like living in a camper as the office was cleared for painting and all its contents were shoved into every other living pore of the house. the dining room had 2 add'l couches, an end table and files in the kitchen, boxes of books and office supplies in the bedroom. after a salvation (hallelujah) army p/u today, there's finally some elbow room. our neighbor andy, home from Indiana for the summer, is painting and eric is coming friday to put together the wardrobe and do some odds and ends. i'm working on childproofing, toy swapping, and clothes bin rummaging.

it's been wonderful to see my neighbors and good friends here on woodbine. their enthusiasm about kola and reassuring stories/and good ideas are like a constant 'Big Hug' as Po would say. i also had a chance to see my brother & julie and the kids last weekend - i was still foggy so it was nice to take a break and not be frustrated being antiproductive. we went on a road trip to my parents house + riverside to see the cicadas. it was astonishing - they were everrrywhere and almost deafening. ethan was covering his ears and i flicked a few from my legs and shoes. if it weren't for that trip, i would not have seen one yet. hard to believe with all our old trees that our village seems to have been missed! more soon, xo b

June 1 Holiday for children

The first of June is a holiday celebrating children in the former USSR. Ukraine seems to have continued the tradition. I understand that women’s day is sometime in February and Red Army day was a defacto men’s day of celebration.

The orphanage in Donetsk gathered the children in the playroom who were joined by the staff and many adults – including adopting parents and perhaps relatives of the children.
As the Mistress of Ceremonies recited a story into a large felt flower she led the children in song and dance. At times the children passed around a baby doll. In a touching part of the event a five year old blind resident recited a lengthy poem to the director of the orphanage and presented here with a gift of crafts and pictures. She and everyone in the room shed a tear or two. At the end each child received a small gift (gummy fruit wedges). Later, outside, Mikola was very industrious at opening the package and stuffed two fistfuls of the treats in his mouth. His grin not only showed how happy he was with his accomplishment, but also how he couldn’t fit anything more in his mouth much less chew what was there.

Mikola seems to be making some kind of association with me. After the ceremony he saw me in the hallway as he was being led off to his room, and he seemed to express some dismay at having to go to his room. Irena, the head teacher also spotted me and went to get him so we could go outside for a visit.

At the end of my visits and when it is time to go inside he pulls his usual trick of going limp, dropping his body, and rolling around on the floor, ground, or dirt. This is a common response of his to anything that he doesn’t like. He is very good at it and will do it anywhere without any regard to his surroundings. I can just picture him doing this in the states especially in the middle of grocery stores or other inconvenient settings. Inevitably after one of these episodes, he is covered in dirt, but when I return for the next visit he is fresh and clean. The caretakers must curse me when this happens.

His best friend Mariano, who is also being adopted, seems to be very afraid of getting into cars or going past the orphanage gate. Meanwhile, Mikola can barely be stopped when he sees a car. The Italian couple seemed apprehensive about what was going to happen when the time comes to take Marion home. In our best attempt at communicating with Italian and English hand gestures, we decided to coax Mariano across the gate line with Mikola. There are other ways that they seem to complement each other well.

Don’t do this at home:

Today, June 2, I took a random tram to the southern end of the city. After waiting out a torrential rain in a cafй, I headed in a random direction just to see more of the city and happened upon the terminal and workshop of the street rail trams. From outside the gate I noticed an old refurbished street car and took a picture. A man in a uniform emerged and signaled me from inside the yard. The last time this happened Beth was admonished for taking a picture. But, as he approached he uttered a phrase that I hear often at the orphanage, that I believe is used to encourage someone to come and follow. So I did. He invited me to take more pictures closer up and even go inside (not that I understood what he said). Then he further encouraged me to follow him and as we got closer to the back to the yard in a more secluded place, I was thinking, now I’ve done it and who really knows I’m here!

Tucked away in a barn was a refurbished #1 street car. It may have been redone for a 70th anniversary celebration in 1998 – as it had the numbers 1928 – 1998 on each side. The first street car outside was #2 embellished with 1928 – 2003 on its sides.

For a city that doesn’t offer much for tourists – it was a nice gesture to me a stranger, randomly showing up in an obscure cranny of town. My thanks to the yardman, whoever he may be.

June 4 Decree in Hand

I received the court decree today granting our adoption of Mikola. Roman will arrive tomorrow and we'll scurry about to finish up the Ukraine paperwork and then off to Kiev for more US paperwork. Then some more waiting and a long trip home, changning in London and overnighting in New York.

By the way;

For anyone else thinking about doing this, American Airlines has been very flexible with changing my ticket at a minimal change fee. The adoption rate of $650+ one way, while not cheap, is a reasonable fare for our latest addition. It’s about 1/3 to 1/2 of an unrestricted roundtrip ticket and is about the same as a highly restricted round trip fare.